Ok, Ive been struggling and having internal conflict within myself as to stop breastfeeding or not ever since confinement.
Every other night i sat on the couch, feeling depressed and guilty for having this thought, but at the same time wondering how life would be better if i didnt had to endure all these pain.
Many people would think that "wah you where will have problem, so much milk"
But having an oversupply is also a problem. (but im still thankful that ive enough for baby as well as able to latch him properly as compared to many others who are struggling).
For me, the pain from the engorgement, let down etc is really far worse than being cut up during c sect. The pain is constant. When im feeding, its the toe clenching latching pain when baby first sucked and u will have to tahan it till he gets the right angle. When im not feeding, theres this trinkling, sore, aching feeling. And when its hard like a rock, its sore and bruised and you can barely breath or walk like a normal person.
Wearing BrA hurts too esp when it compresses ur boobs and when it bua against ur, erm, nips. Without bra, you have this suprr heavy feeling and constantly stained tee. I tried pasting breast pad on my tee lah but they keep falling off so i decided to do away with it.
I had a few break downs from this journey cos its really taxing on me on all levels - emotionally n physically. So one find day i decided, ok i guess its time to stop once i go back to work in march.
I read countless articles, searched countless threads on facebook pages N posts to find out how to start weaning.
I was latching on demand for the whole of nov to jan, and this could mean i need to feed baby evert 1 to 2 hour interval - whenever he cries. About 12 feedings a day. U cant drag cos u dunno how much he drinks each time. At night if my timing doesnt match with his, i will have to get up to pump, only to return to bed and have him wake up 30mins later. The initial stage during confinenent was worse cos i will feed one side about 15min, wait for him for 1 hour jus staring at him hoping he will wake to feed on my other side. By the time he wakes up, my first boob engorge again. IT WILL NEVER BE EQUAL. On good days he had a gd latch i get to have lighter and softer boobs for 2 hrs plus before everything happens again.
So from mid Jan i (fortunately) fall sick and had to pump and throw my milk due to the med. I thought it was a good chance to also let baby try out the frozen excess milk to see if he is ok with them.
At this pt i was torn between to continue latching or switch over to fully pump and bottle feed because...
Latch pros:
- Get to shut baby up faster, just insert boob into mouth
- bonding?
- go out no need bring pump because baby is my portable pump
- baby helps to clear clogged ducts more efficiently
- no need to wash as much things as compared to pumping
Latch cons:
- no personal time to breath because u are always on standby to feed.
- morning or night im the one doing feeding because the husband has no milk
Pumping pros:
- i get to know how much baby is drinking
- get to have a schedule e.g feed every 3 hour/ pump every 3 hour
- husband or other ppl can help to feed here and there
So eventually... Pumping is not that bad afterall. From 12 feedings a day (solely latch) i drop to 8 feedings. I try to pump in the day and latch at night.
But still, the pain didnt stop at all. Im sti having bruised and stabbing pain everyday. I went to see a dr but only to pay $38 to have her telling me its normal?! Wad to do apart from Sucking it up and bear with the pain. I also engaged a massage lady to help me clear the boob. She said mine was so bad i had to so 2 sessions 1.5hr at a go. $120. And only helps to relief HALF A DAY. Awesome.
I manage to drop pump till 4 to 5 hourly and it was good till CNY. ZZZ. My boobs suddenly went hay wire and i had lots of clogged ducts. The bruised pain is fucking fucking painful. I couldnt clear it myself and had to get lehubz to knead it till i cry.
Oh did i mention tt i couldnt sleep side ways as it engorge faster/clogged the boob if its being compressed on if i slp side way.. So i end up sleeping fsce up for the pasts mths. Sian.
Ive tried drinking milk killer tea, also no use.
My last resort was to get the dostinex pill from my friend (prescribed by dr) to stop milk production.
I had another episode of mastitis and fever and i tell myself thats it. Im gonna pop the pill and stop this shit. Everynight i imagine how wonderful life would be if i dont have to bf anymore~ i would be so much happier, more cheerful .
