How can I..

Happy bday to myself.

31st alr. And im showered with lots of love from everyone.

But back to topic. Fb has been circulating alot of abuse cases. Mainly one from amk where 10 cats has been slashed with deep wide wounds. 

I felt so helpless looking at the images.

Came across one comment where somebody suggested a proposal to let schools adopt a few animals each as their own, and also have cca to let kids take care of the animals to 培养 them about responsibility and kindness. The idea sound so good and exiciting..

Shandy ask why dont i start about making it come true instead of hoping. I thought of gathering the original poster, linda and maybe one mummy grp mummy who is a educarer/pre sch teacher to see how we can work towards this.

But sadly, i was always reminded that its tough bcos there are too many concerns and considerations to the safety and also having to deal with monster parents.

Am i day dreaming or being to naive? Is this achievable?

How can i help to make a change in my own ability? Instead of sobbing at posts, feeling sad and helpless, how can i contribute more with what i have and can cope to the animal welfare?

I was looking at fostering for the 1 to 2 mths im home. But at the same time, im scare later suddenly cb and aiden will be home / will requires alot of attention.. bcos my life is not just mine now. Plus i got no income to really have a say. I cant be unfair to the hubz also when making such decisions. 

How universe , how?

...

Its so hard to be a parent. I am fighting so hard to keep my saint and maintain my cool whenever aiden whines non stop for something or when hes into the DONT WANT DONT WANT I DONT WANT mode when he cannot absorb a single shit we say. No fucking things can pacify him. 

And when lehub comes into pic, most likely he will melt down for the next 30min at least. And by then i couldnt stop. But its bcos he didnt listen to me in the first place. When i try to intervene it becomes my fault for not being able to hold it and like i 宠坏 him. And this causes strain between me and hubz. I didnt wan to let aiden cry so long bcos later he will choke or cry till flu and the noise, nth good comes out of it. I dunno wad i shud fucking do at times like this. I cant walk away. I feel i shud still be there to let aiden noe if he needs comfort and 想通， im there. But am i really capable of being a mother. Idk....

I really dunno wats the best way. If i scold it feels like i cant control my own emotions and ego as an adult. If i let it be, it builds up, and on days tt im really having shorter patience due to lack of quality sleep, the irritatedness just builds up. 

Sometimes i feel like a slave at the beck and call of aiden. Hes not exactly a bad child, he does says thank you etc but at the same time maybe my leniency led him to taking me for granted: mummy i want watch tv, mummy i dun wan this channel, mummy i wan drink water, mummy i dont want that, mummy i want my toy... and it goes on.

And during times that hes at the tired and cranky stage, its worse. Do u noe we are tired too. 

Im v tired mentally and physically even thou i had my leaves last few days. 

Sometimes i feel like im going to just loose it and scream like a crazy woman or maybe i shud jus disappear.