Setting myself for my old dog

Hi its me again after disappearing for so long. Covid has changed our lives and the way we live nowadays. Wearing masks every where we go  need to check in check out. But best thing is we get to work from home on somedays. 

That aside..

Tui is 10 this year and thou 10 might not be a super old age as they can live up to 18, hes also considerably a senior dog. 

These days, his appetite decreased. He skip his breakfast kibbles and dinner sometimes only eat few mouths.

He has also been sleeping more than usual except for our walk time.

Lehub recently found a lump at tuis chest while he was hugging him. And we brought him to barkway for a check. Unfortunately we cant detect anything much cos its surrounded by a layer of fats. And to test the egg size lump, will require a surgery (that is as big as my palm) and also $2k just to test.

We decided to wait and monitor as he wasnt feeling any pain. At the same time we engaged another AC to speak to tui (in case im too caught up by my own emotions). He say hes just feeling full. And he feels bloated after his meals. 

I asked if he will give me signs if hes about to pass. He replied : why would i do that? Plus im not leaving soon, didi is still young. (This is probably the greatest 安慰 i have from the session).

But a part of me also feel he might be leaving (not sure when but he wont be living till 18 yrs old.) A saw a view on him lying on my lap chilling at the beach. And idk if thats a sign for me that he wants that to be his last moments. 

Ytd i brought him for walk at roof top, it breaks my heart so much to see how he wanted to go up the grass patch so badly but have no confidence at all. He tried twice but fail and im afraid that he will fall backwards and hurt himself. He also peed 7 to 8 times which is not normal. Cos the 7 to 8 times got alot of pee not like hes trying to mark. And he even peed on concrete! He probably only pee on concrete 5 times or lesser in these 8 years. 

Back at home i tried to apply hot compress on him with essential oil. Not sure if my reiki works cos i havent been practicing on myself. But nontheless i jus try.

After bawling my eyes at roof top seeing how he became, hub carried him on our bed ( so its warmer n softer, he usually slps better thruout). I couldnt slp. 

Twist n turn and hear tui moving around like hes uncomfortable as well. And then he decided to go down. Which is wad im most worried of esp with his weak legs now. On his way down he fell before i could catch him. ☹☹☹☹😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

And he lied there the whole night. I didnt dare to move him also.

Luckily morning he manage to walk and seems to be fine.

But this brings me to another point. 

Is he hanging on cos of my emotional attachment to him?

Am i delaying him?

Is he trying to teach me to separate my own emotions with healing works?

Is he here to "force" me to start practicing reiki daily on myself so i can progress?

Will he be here only till i start to kick off my ac biz officially?

Will he be there to grow with me?

Sometimes i feel im a failure cos i read so many spiritual book, attended courses etc and i jolly well know its its not goodbye even if they leave the world. I also noe the body is just a shell. But tbh i cant take the thought of him leaving even thou i have been preparing myself for the day bit by bit everyday. 

And he is the only one by far that makes my heart ache just bcos he couldnt be himself. Ytd night i told myself, hes just getting old. Hes not dying. If anything, we will just try to fix it. Just like how im sick or ppl get old, they lived with it and carry on with life. But another part of me cannot. 

This, is probably my job to work on myself. So i can cry but not to over worry, putting my emotional baggages on him, and causing him to hang on and suffer. I would rather he leave like toytoy, peacefully with us around and still in good shape.

Will try to fix 2nd opinion this sunday.

Fingers crossed.

Most rewarding and touching moment of motherhood

Hello, its been 15 months and 2 weeks since the little boy came into our world. There are sleepless nights and crazy poo moments but im really thankful to have him as my son.

The first moment i felt relieve and happy and awwww was when he had his firsr cry when he came out. I seldom say baby cries are cute but that moment, i really felt omg how can a baby cry be so adorable. #okaymotherfangirlmodeon 

I wanna pen this down to remember how touched i am to hear him call "mama and papa" sweetly. Low key happy when he introduce me to strangers by Pointing at me and say "mama" to them.

And also when he gives me big hug like a little koala bear. I will try to carry u with as long as i can thou i often get lazy after awhile hahahah. Hands suan deh.

Pls grow up to be a happy and healthy boy. Stay cheeky always u sneaky baby.

We love u.

2020 resolution

Hello blog,

Ive been setting new year resolutions every year, and most of the time losing weight is on the top of the list, but always never achieve. 

2016, i took up animal comm course and modern calligraphy workshop which changed my life and also opened a whole new world towards animals.

2017, i took a break from aiming to lose weight and instead, my goal was to attend more courses/workshops to enriched myself in areas im interested in. So i took on online animal communication courses, and doodling classes. 

It was also a year of freedom, interms of commitment. I get to go all out for Making Mermaids, chiong every event i can and make as many bows despite having to sleep late.

2018, pregged with aiden, i had alot more brain cells free time due to my new job. Still striving on for MM whenever i can despite the big belly. And I managed to attend a reiki course right before my due date. 

2019 passed by just like this. And tbh i couldnt really remember what i achieved this year except i survived motherhood. I still participated in some events for MM but its honestly quite draining. With the changes of manpower in my new job, by the time i end work my brain is totally fried.  On a hind sight, i finally touched photoshop and attended a 1 day pets reiki workshop.

2020. Signed up for my Animal Comm level 2 workshop despite having online certs up till level 3 because i wanna find out tuitui purpose in my life as well as our past lives in level 3.

I really miss the days where im so connected to the dog industry. Be it the prosucts / pet shops /latest info or animal welfare. But lately i realise ive been so detached because my life is only made up of babies and baby brands. Sigh... I had to park MM aside because my time and energy is also that much. And if i force myself to chiong, i feel more stress than enjoyment (which was wad its supposed to be when i started it). 

Maybe one day.. One day i will be able to do wad i like to do and what my heart really wants. To be able to earn money for a living, and having excess to do more for the animals. 

i need to sleep

Im really so mentally tired and i need some quality sleep.

I need a mental break from work stuff.

I need a break from the routine.

I need a break from responsibilities and duties.

Oh, i cant. Because its reality.

When the papa is out of town...

Ever heard of murphys law? Whatever can go wrong , will go wrong. And shits like to happen when le hub is overseas for work trip  - always!

His first trip - baby rolled off the bed. I was totally traumatised as i havent encounter such incidents before. I was so scare aiden will die or suffer serious injuries. Luckily he was supported by one bolster underneath his tummy.

2nd trip - tui lao sai/ want vomit and i had to tula baby down at the unearthly hour to let tui relief himself

3rd trip - aiden poonami in the morning and shit all the way back to his clothes, stained his mattress everything WHEN IM ABOUT TO LEAVE THE HSE FOR WORK!!!

4th trip - Aiden tio fever and couldnt send him to school. Had to takr urgent leave and subsequent day my mummy came to help

5th - how heng can we be. Ahwai flew on monday 21st morning and i sent baby to sch as usual, at work i received an email update from school that HIS CLASS HAS 3 HFMD CASES. i usually bypass or briefly browse the email till i saw his class......

Picked him from school and the number increased to 5cases.
Paranoid mother then webt to wash his tula and spray the sanitizet anywhere i can. Immunity balm bua gaogao.

This morning i sent him to school and teacher say to monitor. The class was almost empty except for 1 girl.
So i left for work. Teacher called and told me they found an ulcer on his tongue so i had to go back HENG AH I HAVEN BOARD TRAIN COS TODAY SUDDENLY QUEUE VERY LONG. and so i u turned back...

Brought him to the doc and cfm tio Hmfd. See, tio bo. 4d oso not so zhun. Always happen when im alone.

On the brighter note, i learnt to cook him a proper meal - porridge with threadfin 午鱼 which i keep reading as 牛鱼 (blame it on the lack of slp). Luckily i didnt not tell the person i want buy 牛鱼 when i order and some carrot.

Half a day and im half dead too.

Hope the lil boy can GWS and pls dun fall sick in nov and dec cos i exhausted all my ccl and leave liao. And work is v busy during nov and dec omg tigong pls bobi.

We are hitting the 10th month mark!

Days are long and months are short they say. It has been a life changing 9 months plus for hub and I, and erm, tui.

We look forward and got super excited when we see the lil bear grows or achieve a new mile stone. Be it growing a new tooth or shitting a solid put instead of his infant watery poop.

Some days we are really tired AF. Legit. Esp when he gets very cranky when we are super tired. But we are thankful that apart from those days , hes really considered as a easy going baby.

Tuitui has been very patient to baby. When he comes back from walk he will walk over to the play pen to say hi to baby and lie beside the fence. Or when baby comes back he will greet n sniff his feet at the pram. Bedtime he will choose to sleep beside his cot on the floor instead of his own bed. Cant ask for more for such a understanding companion.

And nope i didnt let them freestyle mingle together without supervision because (for the safety of tui), baby still tends to grab whatever is in his hand. Its damn pain i swear, got once he was so fast i couldnt stop him in time and tui growled a lil in pain. (not aggression. Just telling us its painful). Aiden loves tui alot. Everytime he sees tui walking over it makes him very happy and excited. And i really hope he can grow up to care and love for more animals.

So much has changed from the first few months and i couldnt complain cos life gets better each day (for now). There are times where he tit tit tio skin infection : thigh lah, broken skin around his asshole and kkb infection. It takes alottttt of patience and effort to clean with cool boiled water/ medicated solution, fan dry, apply moisturizer, medicine and diaper cream each time we change his diaper. Jincha. This one confirm is love from parents. Ahbo dunno where to find this motivation and discipline.

So whenever i feel damn tired or sian i will remind myself tt:
1) Nth beats the agony of breast feeding like that time
2) be appreciative of the 6 7 hours sleep vs 1.5 to 2 hours sleep back then
3) thou baby sleeps lesser now, he can interact and smile at us more
4) no need to hold his bottle for him lol
5) he can stay by himself in the playpen to play
6) no need to carry him and break my back while bathing him. Can just put in tub while he plays with the water
7) meal times are more fun with solid food
8) shit are easier to clear now that its ji liap ji liap
9) sometimes he helps to hold the leash when we baby wear him for walks with tui
10) hes healthy and happy.

Tomorrow marks his 10th month in the world and we are going to Aussie perth in 2 months time! Hurray! Collected his passport 2 days ago and i cant wait for this vacation. Thou there are no real off days as a mummy/daddy but i guess that might be what we needed after a whole year of firefighting.

Ok ciaos and have a great day peeps!

The most traumatizing day of my life

And so here i am back at this space to pen down what just happened this morning.

Its day 2 of home alone (hub went overseas for biz trip)  and i was quite thankful for a gd night slp.  Baby woke up and smiled like an angel.

Fed him and changed diaper and was rushing for work.

Prepped him and left him on bed, looked at the surrounding and thought to myself,  it should be fine.  Almost eft without blocking his legs angle but i decided to put a bolster there jus in case. And i quickly rush to prepare food for tui.
He was making some random talking sound in the room and just when i opened the packet of kibble,  it was all too silent.  And came a freakimg loud cry.

I chionged back to the room at full speed only to find the bed empty.

Im fucked.

The worse scene ive ever seen with baby on the floor crying face down. Thank god for the bolster i put because it helped to cushion him.

Picked him up and i was trembling so badly.  He was crying so badly too.

But you know what, im really really thankful for aiden as my son because he is such a brave and sensible boy.  He cooled down and stopped within 5 mins while his mother continued to cry and madly apologising to him.

He had a red bruise on the right side on his eye brow which has subsided by now.

Moral of the story - never ever be too complacent.

I knew there might be a chance tt he will fall and i was just thinking about it at the back of my head. But somehow i decided to take the chance and i fucking regretted it.

Lesson learnt.

And im also very grateful for my neighbours bu pa and bu ma which came over to check on us.

And my lady boss which called me and offered to drive over and help.

Really...