Future.

Cant help but to feel the clock is ticking, and counting down to the hours we have with Odin.

1.5 more days to the potential adopter's viewing..

Do we really have to give him up?

I secretly hope that they cancel their viewing, or will our decision change to adopting him within the next day?

He really has improved alot. Thou idk how the future will be like, and definitely it will require more energy, but he also has brought much joy to our family, ok maybe not so much for the husband, more of me and aiden.

And walking him at night as a family gives hub and aiden a chance to bond and walk together..

How will life be if odin leaves us? We might just go back to "normal" but im sure there will be this emptiness in my heart, sometimes its a void that not just any dog can fill.. not what other people's pet or the community cats or the shelter dog can fill. 

Sigh... 

I love u odin, although its only 1 mth that i know you. Not a replacement for tui, but i love you for who you are. I hope you will find the best happiness in life if we are not the right family for u. I hope u find a family that can let u run freely like how u wished too. I hope they will be patient with u and let you do all the silly stuff and chew whatever u like/can. I hope they let u slp on bed tgt with them, and slp on sofa whenever you like. I hope they treat u better than we do. ❤

Odin the doormat thief

Its been 15 days since Odin came into our life. His appearance is so sudden. It brought joy, laughter, stress and also disruptions to our "almost peaceful life". 

I was happy we had a dog, but we wasn't ready for the commitment in training a young dog, such as separation anxiety and constant chewing of stuff and we had to put things out of sight. 

He is a great pup very smart and playful. And he is reallt gentle with Aiden, i would say they are like good buddies/bros. At times i even find them very alike, when they gek me lolol. 

With the stress, tears and considerations. I had to tell his rescuer that we are not ready to confirm adopting him. 

When she texted me that she has 2 potential adopters on hand, and will arrange for a viewing soon.... it jus felt so.. tbh sometimes i miss my old lifez but its also hard to imagine life without this boy.. thou its only been 2 weeks.

If i dont have a kid, i would probably keep him. But i have different roles in my life now.

All i hope now is he really can find a family or home that treats him better than we do, able to train him and give him space / chance to run around freely. Bcos hes really happy when he runs.

I / we miss having a dog.

Its been almost 9 months since you left us Tuitui. Sometimes we miss having a dog around the house.. or maybe we just miss having you. 

On normal days its okay, just that its exceptionally empty and lonely when we step into pet shops. Having nothing to buy for no one.

We window shopped different dogs over the past few months for fun, and viewed 2 of them. But one of them reminds us too much of your last days. And we both knew we are not ready for that again, especially with her weight. I almost fostered another senior dog thou wai wasn't as keen as me due to her age (or maybe no sparks). But thankfully she found a good home before she even came to our house.

I really dont know if we or am I ready for another one. Can i cope with a dog and aiden now? Will i feel tired or stress? I strived on because it was you.. and you really matters alot to me.

I am still waiting for your signs and you to come back with us. But i dont know when. Can u tell me anot. My heart so tired sia.

I would prefer an adult dog but that would me it will probably not be you if we were to adopt one now. 

Sigh...

How can I..

Happy bday to myself.

31st alr. And im showered with lots of love from everyone.

But back to topic. Fb has been circulating alot of abuse cases. Mainly one from amk where 10 cats has been slashed with deep wide wounds. 

I felt so helpless looking at the images.

Came across one comment where somebody suggested a proposal to let schools adopt a few animals each as their own, and also have cca to let kids take care of the animals to 培养 them about responsibility and kindness. The idea sound so good and exiciting..

Shandy ask why dont i start about making it come true instead of hoping. I thought of gathering the original poster, linda and maybe one mummy grp mummy who is a educarer/pre sch teacher to see how we can work towards this.

But sadly, i was always reminded that its tough bcos there are too many concerns and considerations to the safety and also having to deal with monster parents.

Am i day dreaming or being to naive? Is this achievable?

How can i help to make a change in my own ability? Instead of sobbing at posts, feeling sad and helpless, how can i contribute more with what i have and can cope to the animal welfare?

I was looking at fostering for the 1 to 2 mths im home. But at the same time, im scare later suddenly cb and aiden will be home / will requires alot of attention.. bcos my life is not just mine now. Plus i got no income to really have a say. I cant be unfair to the hubz also when making such decisions. 

How universe , how?

...

Its so hard to be a parent. I am fighting so hard to keep my saint and maintain my cool whenever aiden whines non stop for something or when hes into the DONT WANT DONT WANT I DONT WANT mode when he cannot absorb a single shit we say. No fucking things can pacify him. 

And when lehub comes into pic, most likely he will melt down for the next 30min at least. And by then i couldnt stop. But its bcos he didnt listen to me in the first place. When i try to intervene it becomes my fault for not being able to hold it and like i 宠坏 him. And this causes strain between me and hubz. I didnt wan to let aiden cry so long bcos later he will choke or cry till flu and the noise, nth good comes out of it. I dunno wad i shud fucking do at times like this. I cant walk away. I feel i shud still be there to let aiden noe if he needs comfort and 想通， im there. But am i really capable of being a mother. Idk....

I really dunno wats the best way. If i scold it feels like i cant control my own emotions and ego as an adult. If i let it be, it builds up, and on days tt im really having shorter patience due to lack of quality sleep, the irritatedness just builds up. 

Sometimes i feel like a slave at the beck and call of aiden. Hes not exactly a bad child, he does says thank you etc but at the same time maybe my leniency led him to taking me for granted: mummy i want watch tv, mummy i dun wan this channel, mummy i wan drink water, mummy i dont want that, mummy i want my toy... and it goes on.

And during times that hes at the tired and cranky stage, its worse. Do u noe we are tired too. 

Im v tired mentally and physically even thou i had my leaves last few days. 

Sometimes i feel like im going to just loose it and scream like a crazy woman or maybe i shud jus disappear. 

4th month

Yesterday was your 4th month.

A fly fly (look like ant) came landing on my arms when i was calling ocbc, the hubz caught and release it out but it came back again. Flying around us and stopping at the window wall. 

It hit aiden's head and aiden say the flyfly bite me😂 i told hub to leave it as it could be tuitui.

After tt it landed in my toast box curry chicken.

I would believe its you buddy. Thank you for visiting us.

Im not sure if u are the little tiny fly that joined us for ac class last weekend. But it landed infront of us, the students. And then when i read bCk my readings, u said u will be there with me in the class.

Thank you buddy. I love you...

Thank you universe

Thank you for sending me clients who have an open heart and trust in me to provide animal comm session + healing for their pets.