Getting a lil frustrated when u see the time ticking away.
Woked up at 430am to feed. Baby latch for 15min on right side and stopped. its now 520. And im not done with feeding.
Could have slept for the 50min that he isnt drinking :( halpppp.
On a side note i ought to be thankful that hes not crying or really throwing tantrums.
But im tired...
Hungry, legs cramped from sitting in the same position for too long, sweaty and achy back for having to lean on the hot sofa cover + towel. Fml
Im very tired. Not because of the constant feeding and lack of sleep. Im very tired of the shit and nonsense my parents say behind my back or even infront of me.
Im tired of having to deal or even be affected by their negativity and super sensitivity.
Im tired of trying to send positiveness to them because everyshit oso can turn into me personal attacking them or just something bad.
Im tired of ppl questioning me or pin pointing say baby eyes red is 我害的 bcos i ate 1 2 mouth of muahchee after his eyes got puffy in the morning.
And then u have the mil who called and question u why u nv wipe the baby kouth and tongue got the white white thing.
Kan.
Fucking tired.
And so the scan for amniotic fluid didnt have much conclusion. Gynae say its low but not super low.
We decided to soft book for c sect on 11th Nov. (wanted 8th but the dates given were 7, 9 and 10th).
Had a mental/ emotionl breakdown yt while walking tui during his evening walk. He shat in the morning but i know he still has shit to offload. Walked him over to sculpture park but he kept pulling me in diff directions. I will be ok if im not carrying that very heavy bump and had a hard time pulling him back, feeling all hot and pekcek. I knew my limit was almost up. Its like the building up of frustrations and i kept telling tui pls pls faster shit. Cos if u miss this round of shitting chance, u most probably have to wait till tomorrow.
After 30min he finally shat a full bag and we went home. But that was also when i couldnt take it anymore and jus cried like fuck the moment i reached home.
Abit siao la but felt so much better after crying. Lehubz didnt realise but after tt he comforted me.
Both of us werent feeling our best these few weeks, partly due to stress from guessing when the baby might come. Living in nervous mode every night, the physical gaoweh ness for me, external factors from our families and work for him.
Every thing just came at the same time and we felt the house energy was also affected.
Times like this i hope we can jus go for a short break and get a breather. Away from baby stuff, away from other ppls opinion and advices and negative energies.
3 more days to meet baby and i hope we can uplift the energy in our home to welcome this lil one.
So i woked up today and googled how to remove negative energy from home LOL.
Ok, with my bump i cant do much or get the necessary. So the best i could do was to start packing the hse (decluttering). Kept the laundry and folded them, cleaned the tv console and diffuse some essential oil.
Will probably play some nicer music later on..
Too bad my reiki havent reach the level where i can cleanse the space energy.
Neither do i have himalayan salt lamp or sage to cleanse the space or crystal to help with it.
Aiya think next time ba! Gonna chill for the rest of the noon. Faster weekend sia sibeh sian.
Pregnancy makes me realise that, sometimes we cant control or plan anything as much as we would love to.
We can only leave it to fate and the universe, and trust that all will be good, and it happens for a reason.
Ok so we went for our weekly gynae appointment last Saturday. Hoping to know when baby will come out or if i can induce.
But gynae say amniotic fluid still not enuf / he cant see thru his machine. Baby head thou turned but still considered high. Also checked my cervix and its not dilated yet (mega sian) . And from my swelling, im still not getting enough rest. Had to schedule to do a scan at tmc facility on Monday (today):
So here are the options laid:
1. If fluid is enough to keep baby safe, then we can wait longer and see when he ownself come out.
2. If really not enough, then its better we schedule a c sect than to risk a failed induction (due to baby head not engaged, or dilation not enough). This option is still better than emergency c sect lah. Tmd sibeh ex.
Tbh after the checkup i was rather disappointed and sian. Despite walking quite alot (ppl say walk more easier to dilate), climbing stairs at work etc, end up still must c sect. And feels like the past 1.5 to 2 weeks of being paranoid of labour is a waste of time and energy.
But oh well i guess i dont have a choice yea. Can only do whats best for the baby and pocket.
***
Went back to in law hse ytd for dinner and sil ask me how? What did the doc say? Can natural anot?
Didnt know how to reply (if can natural who dont want). And last time she did say before no matter what , try to go for natural. Blablabla.
And then they commented and say my tummy still high.. Confirm not so fast. (this one hear already lagi sian because i was really hoping baby come out like early , been waiting since start of 37 th liao) den she say like tt sure over due one.
Sigh, sometimes these comments meant no harm but seriously not constructive. Worse is after that my mil oso start saying my tummy ya very high, last time her one drop till where. Mine sure not so fast.
And then they decided / jio us next sunday for dinner to celebrate grandma birthday. I say orh, ok, if baby havent come out. And they insisted wont so fast. Sure can one. (in a way just want us to say yes and ok) . But helloooo. Its 39th week already leh. Even if havent seh tbh also very hard and gaoweh to go out and eat liao... Lehubz tried to tell them, you never know when the baby will come and its not within our control. But they insisted and so we said ok lor.
My feet swelled up quite badly during the dinner and thank god for my awesome hub for helping me to do a long long foot massage when we got home. Really thankful and felt lots of 💞. Thanks to him, i dun feel so lonely and pekcek as much (as some friends) because I know he will standby me.
That aside. Its the scan later on that determine how and when baby gonna come out.
I hope the days ahead will be of less nonsense but i can foresee alot of ppl giving me more unnecessary comments and advices 😧
Please please please let me have the strength to brave and tide through them! 🙏
