Should i continue to torture myself like this? Lol why would mothers choose breast feeding.........
The pain when baby bites or suck, the pain when boob engorge
The time taken to sit and feed or when we are out to pump etc
The stress when baby doesnt latch
So tired...
Getting a lil frustrated when u see the time ticking away.
Woked up at 430am to feed. Baby latch for 15min on right side and stopped. its now 520. And im not done with feeding.
Could have slept for the 50min that he isnt drinking :( halpppp.
On a side note i ought to be thankful that hes not crying or really throwing tantrums.
But im tired...
Hungry, legs cramped from sitting in the same position for too long, sweaty and achy back for having to lean on the hot sofa cover + towel. Fml
Im very tired. Not because of the constant feeding and lack of sleep. Im very tired of the shit and nonsense my parents say behind my back or even infront of me.
Im tired of having to deal or even be affected by their negativity and super sensitivity.
Im tired of trying to send positiveness to them because everyshit oso can turn into me personal attacking them or just something bad.
Im tired of ppl questioning me or pin pointing say baby eyes red is 我害的 bcos i ate 1 2 mouth of muahchee after his eyes got puffy in the morning.
And then u have the mil who called and question u why u nv wipe the baby kouth and tongue got the white white thing.
Kan.
Fucking tired.
And so the scan for amniotic fluid didnt have much conclusion. Gynae say its low but not super low.
We decided to soft book for c sect on 11th Nov. (wanted 8th but the dates given were 7, 9 and 10th).
Had a mental/ emotionl breakdown yt while walking tui during his evening walk. He shat in the morning but i know he still has shit to offload. Walked him over to sculpture park but he kept pulling me in diff directions. I will be ok if im not carrying that very heavy bump and had a hard time pulling him back, feeling all hot and pekcek. I knew my limit was almost up. Its like the building up of frustrations and i kept telling tui pls pls faster shit. Cos if u miss this round of shitting chance, u most probably have to wait till tomorrow.
After 30min he finally shat a full bag and we went home. But that was also when i couldnt take it anymore and jus cried like fuck the moment i reached home.
Abit siao la but felt so much better after crying. Lehubz didnt realise but after tt he comforted me.
Both of us werent feeling our best these few weeks, partly due to stress from guessing when the baby might come. Living in nervous mode every night, the physical gaoweh ness for me, external factors from our families and work for him.
Every thing just came at the same time and we felt the house energy was also affected.
Times like this i hope we can jus go for a short break and get a breather. Away from baby stuff, away from other ppls opinion and advices and negative energies.
3 more days to meet baby and i hope we can uplift the energy in our home to welcome this lil one.
So i woked up today and googled how to remove negative energy from home LOL.
Ok, with my bump i cant do much or get the necessary. So the best i could do was to start packing the hse (decluttering). Kept the laundry and folded them, cleaned the tv console and diffuse some essential oil.
Will probably play some nicer music later on..
Too bad my reiki havent reach the level where i can cleanse the space energy.
Neither do i have himalayan salt lamp or sage to cleanse the space or crystal to help with it.
Aiya think next time ba! Gonna chill for the rest of the noon. Faster weekend sia sibeh sian.
Pregnancy makes me realise that, sometimes we cant control or plan anything as much as we would love to.
We can only leave it to fate and the universe, and trust that all will be good, and it happens for a reason.
Ok so we went for our weekly gynae appointment last Saturday. Hoping to know when baby will come out or if i can induce.
But gynae say amniotic fluid still not enuf / he cant see thru his machine. Baby head thou turned but still considered high. Also checked my cervix and its not dilated yet (mega sian) . And from my swelling, im still not getting enough rest. Had to schedule to do a scan at tmc facility on Monday (today):
So here are the options laid:
1. If fluid is enough to keep baby safe, then we can wait longer and see when he ownself come out.
2. If really not enough, then its better we schedule a c sect than to risk a failed induction (due to baby head not engaged, or dilation not enough). This option is still better than emergency c sect lah. Tmd sibeh ex.
Tbh after the checkup i was rather disappointed and sian. Despite walking quite alot (ppl say walk more easier to dilate), climbing stairs at work etc, end up still must c sect. And feels like the past 1.5 to 2 weeks of being paranoid of labour is a waste of time and energy.
But oh well i guess i dont have a choice yea. Can only do whats best for the baby and pocket.
***
Went back to in law hse ytd for dinner and sil ask me how? What did the doc say? Can natural anot?
Didnt know how to reply (if can natural who dont want). And last time she did say before no matter what , try to go for natural. Blablabla.
And then they commented and say my tummy still high.. Confirm not so fast. (this one hear already lagi sian because i was really hoping baby come out like early , been waiting since start of 37 th liao) den she say like tt sure over due one.
Sigh, sometimes these comments meant no harm but seriously not constructive. Worse is after that my mil oso start saying my tummy ya very high, last time her one drop till where. Mine sure not so fast.
And then they decided / jio us next sunday for dinner to celebrate grandma birthday. I say orh, ok, if baby havent come out. And they insisted wont so fast. Sure can one. (in a way just want us to say yes and ok) . But helloooo. Its 39th week already leh. Even if havent seh tbh also very hard and gaoweh to go out and eat liao... Lehubz tried to tell them, you never know when the baby will come and its not within our control. But they insisted and so we said ok lor.
My feet swelled up quite badly during the dinner and thank god for my awesome hub for helping me to do a long long foot massage when we got home. Really thankful and felt lots of 💞. Thanks to him, i dun feel so lonely and pekcek as much (as some friends) because I know he will standby me.
That aside. Its the scan later on that determine how and when baby gonna come out.
I hope the days ahead will be of less nonsense but i can foresee alot of ppl giving me more unnecessary comments and advices 😧
Please please please let me have the strength to brave and tide through them! 🙏
This week was a mixture of different feelings. Zhunzhun 38th weeks today on Wed.
Everyday / every night paranoid and counting down to babys arrival.
Met up with le bff for Marutama ramen and yummy cakes in the noon, catching up on life. My initial plan was to go hone after 2 hours so I can have a quick nap after that but got so carried away we only parted at 4 plus 5 pm.
We had a impromptu celebration for Tuitui gotcha day with Aiden and his jiejies coming over. They are sooo nice to have bought him a cake, gift and treats!! Denden as usually was so excited to meet his bro and come into the house that he did a few funny barks 😂
Came the night when I was soooo tired but couldnt fall asleep despite gg to bed at 10pm. Twist and turn till 3 plus 4 am before I can finally sleep. (oh this was sunday night)
Monday night was me gg to bed at 11 plus and waking up around 4/5am AND THEN CANNOT SLEEP till 7 plus am when i napped on the living room sofa instead. Zzz
Spent the next day bathing Tui (sibeh xiong ah but he was very cooperative, i dont have to drag him only 骗它到 the toilet and he gave a worried face. So i sat there and told him this is probably the last time i can bath him before a long time and after awhile he walked inner by himself).
Kio the rubbish and some laundry. Finished up my half done CNY bows, took pictures, edited them and even manage ti finish doing the posters. Lol damn efficient yesterday.
For the n-th time i dreamt that i had successfully delivered baby out.
Eh hello bro. Last day of Oct liao, u wan come out anot? Today 31st oct is a good date leh. All the zehzeh and aunty in sg. Tml onwards ur god mother go hongkong sia.
And tbh a part of me hopes that u can be an oct baby instead of a november one.
On a happier note, I slept at 1 plus ytd and had quite a good sleep till 7plus this morning so im very happy now.
Shoud i try to vacumme the bed later? Hmm.. And maybe start working on your Silent Book (for training your motor skills next time).. See how ba!! First, need to think of breakfast!
Ok bai.
Okay the time is finally here. The start of my "break" but isit really a break?
Day 1 at home was quite bad because I was feeling damn tired and pain everywhere. Woked up with a twisted or swollen vein on my left foot. Went to run errand at Compassone to drop cheque, had breakfast and walked back home already want my life. It sucked because i use to be able to move around so carefreely and now I can only take super small and slow steps. Not i dont want, but i cant increase the speed. Is like when you cross the road the car want bang u already but u cant do anything lol.
Sort of sprained my the other feet when i was walking tui in the evening. Sibeh sian. Stayed home and made bowties for 4 hours straight. And I also managed to update baby album to keep it on track.
On a happier note, lehubz went to buy Chinatown guotie for me cos i said i tot of eating that for breakfast ♥
Mama cooked codfish and bring over together with a nice cup of EAC blue coral milk tea. Shiok man.
...
Today is day 2.
Quite happy that i woke up to pee only at 6am in the morning inside of 2 3 4 5 am. Means i get longer quality sleep.
Walked tui in the morning, went down to buy cornflakes and milk for breakfast.
Sorted my bowties inventory, Sang for awhile, updated my website and marketing stuff, ironed lehubz shirt, kio the house, put bedsheet for nanny bed, took down the laundry and folded them, packed my whole freaking cupboard that is loaded with clothes that i couldnt fit.
Gonna do another AC in awhile.
Dear Aiden, please dont suddenly come out this 2 days ok. I want to eat hai di lao tomorrow night. See you on saturday!! Byebye.
In life, we have those people that really provides emotional support and encouragement in your life. A quick chat once inawhile to check on one anothers condition and sending love + positive vibes.
On the other hand, u have ppl who are constantly drowned in negativity, complaints and overthinking. And those ppl feel u shudnt judge them.
Aiya. I can be nice, i can be nasty (which level of nastiness den depends on how negative u are) thou ppl say im generally quite mild.
So as a gemini, once i decided that im gonna black list u out of my life/things i give a fuck about, thats it. No need to come and explain shit or put :) :) :) behind msgs that arent what it supposed to mean. #toofake
Bye.
Frankly speaking i dunno if i will be able to handle a baby and doggy at the same time. Thou tuitui is like one of the easiest and independent dog to handle already (except for the occassional lao sai episodes and limping legs).
When i hear infant or baby or toddlers cry / kick up a fuss and making lots of noise in public, the fear is greater. Do i have the patience for this shit? Will i be able to tolerate if its my own kid? Will i be able to stop them from irritating and disturbing other ppl in time? Will my kid listen to me?
Will i still have quality time to spend with tuitui? Hes getting older as days pass by. And every min with him is equally as precious as how the baby grows up. But baby grows UP, tui grows OLD. Thats the difference.
I really hope im still able to shower him with enough or best the same amount of love and attention. Pls dun tell me i wont one lah cos baby more impt. Blablablaaa a shit. Cause i noe a new born or baby is really alot more mafan than tui.
Sigh.. Seeing this old limping dog with the kelian face really breaks my heart. Please please get well soon (permanently) my dear boy.
Lol. This might sound abit crazy but we recently wondered if can use the same method to talk to unborn babies?
Mich helped me to talk to baby a few days back and gotten a reply.
Tried it today and he actually replied me. Its like a inner voice within. U noe its not really urself. Sometimes he coupled with some movements in the tummy too.
Rant post.
One thing about pregnancy that hits my threshold is probably how ppl keep dictating or nagging me about wad i can do or cannot do.
I did read up and research on some. And i know its "for my own good" "if not u will regret next time" "if not next time ur baby come out u die xxxx" "if not u old liao will have body ache"
Cannot drink cold drink
Cannot drink caffeine
Cannot eat sugary stuff
Cannot jump
Cannot run
Cannot bath
Cannot bring baby out after sunset
Cannot this
Cannot that
放过我吧...
Not much pretty changed from the last trimester. Except that a have a little more backaches. Luckily im still mobile and thus able to bring tuitui out for more gatherings with his bros and friends!
We went to:
- Garden by the bay east with Aiden
- Vedure cafe with Aiden, Bubu, Sassy and Sugar (the Senior citizen squad)
- Gardens by the bay for blood donation ceremony followed by ECP to celebrate Pebbles and Hana birthdays ♥
At week 20, i can significantly feel my tummy expanding. It feels hard and bloated, so i will keep poking it.
At night i felt rumbling and sensations i wonder if its the baby moving?
Have been slowly ticking off the checklist of baby things to buy in this 2 weeks cause baby expo is coming soon!
Whoo!! Ok as usual this stupid blogger dun let me upload pics so words for now only.
Gonna see baby again tomorrow for detailed scan. Fingers crossed!!! 🐶
Just a rant post here because ive gotten enough remarks saying that ive bloated, alot, my thigh so fat, i lost my waist that is worse than the person, i gained alot of weight, i look fat and aunty now.
Thanks but no thanks.
I obviously know i gained weight. U think fun to have ur whole wardrobe of clothes being changed becos u cant fit into ur s and m size clothes any more?
U think fun to look into the mirror and seeing ur waist growing side ways?
U think fun to step on the weighing machine and see the number keep going up but actually u oso cant do much now?
If im fat bcos im lazy and not pregnant den ok. I deserve it.
But hello i got a living thing in my body leh. So should i go on hunger strike. So my weight could go down . oh ya. Or jus probably stop taking pictures and meeting people till i give birth and successfully slim down.
Maybe that would be a better plan.
Ok jus shut up already.
Heres a quick one! Many people will ask: What are the symptoms that you experienced? Did you vomit? Did your appetite change? so on and so forth.. I realised really different people have different pattern, some friends have aches and pain almost everyday, some puke like no tomorrow..
For me, my first few symptoms was
- Menses like cramp (i was so convinced that my menses is gonna come soon cause the feeling is really like what we have during the period).
- Swollen & pain in boobs (also seems like menses symptom thou)
- Nausea once in awhile, fortunately for me 🤞 i only had the nausea feeling at times and not the actual vomitting like how dramas always show LOL.
- Giddyness. Its real bad especially when i travel in train after work. I felt giddy + out of breath/hard to breath I had to squat down even thou its tak glam to do that. (what to do i got no bump for ppl to give up seats for me).. I always pray i get a seat when gg home.
- Change in appetite? Not really. i still love the food i love and hate the food i hate. Only thing is i kept craving for fruity/sparkling water like Snapple etc which i usually dont. I normally prefer milky products thou.
- Constant hunger but gets full easily. Really pity lehub bcos when i want to eat, i only eat a few mouth and he has to finsh the rest of my food. This explains why his baby bump is bigger than mine now.
- The mosttttt irritating part of all is.. the constant need to pee!!! Omg i cant emphasize how inconvenient this is to me. I can go up to 20times toilet in a day but everytime just a few drops nia. (No im not tui and im not marking my territory). The part where i had to wake 3 4 timez in the middle of the night is really frustrating i should jus sleep in the toilet. zzzz.
Temperament wise. This one u need to ask Wai because hes the one at the receiving end hahaha. I tried to maintain but i think there are times when i get really pekcek and irritated at him or things. But hes trying his best to accomodate and tolerant this nonsense liao. Very thankful he haven abandon me hahahaha.
Ok will come back to talk about our 2nd scan - Oscar test last Saturday 😁
There are many times i self doubt if im really pregnant because it just doesnt feel real except the fact that my menses is not here. Lol.
We decided to go ahead with ahjess's gynae Dr A L LIM from Thomson Medical cause.. we are quite lazy to do research and ahjess say her one not bad hahaha.
First appointment was booked on my week 8 (so can hear baby heartbeat).. 3 long weeks i had to keep it from my parents despite seeing them every week.. so torturous.
Came 14th April 2018 - This is when the reality kicks in when we legit see the baby bean inside my womb and hearing the sibeh fast heartbeat at 180p/min. Like a " dook dook dook dook dook", le hub hear already his heart beat oso "dook dook dook dook dook" 😆
It was quite an emotional (?) and touching moment lah to find out that this lil one is growing well and erm, a lil bigger than expected.
My estimated EDD was 22nd Nov base on date. But at its 2cm size then, the edd became 18 Nov lol!
太补了?
Not exactly a bad thing. But we walked out of the clinic feeling all excited and erm mix feeling. Ok la finally can confirm im really preg and can tell my parents already. We didnt dare to tell them because scare anything wrong make them happy for nothing.
Next appointment at Week 11 - gonna go for Oscar Test (Down syndrome) Lets keep our fingers cross that all is healthy and happy! 👌🤞
Heres the very first pic of baby ixxi:
Okay so heres the main purpose of why im blogging back, cause i hope i can look back in years to come and read back how i felt/ what i experienced and hopefully able to share on how this journey ahead.
In mid feb, lehubz and I decided to try for a baby because 1. this year is dog year, 2. i dun mind having a piglet next year and 3. i didnt wan a rat lol! We didnt specifically count any ovulation date or whatsoever and just let nature take its course. In late feb he went Germany for 10 days while I happily went bkk with Poon and Panda. I had the feeling that i MIGHT be pregnant and so i avoided tummy massage.
Back in SG the feeling got stronger and I kept pestering le hub to acc me buy the kit. (ok thou im married but i still feel quite embarass to buy it) then the stupid husband keep saying: Aiya you wait till menses miss means tio already lor. 😒
So on 19 March 18, I met Ah Jess ( my friend whom we had our wedding on the same weekend as, and shes already preg) for lunch and she help me to huy the kit lol. She taught me to buy 2 of it : 1 cheap one (watson housebrand) and 1 more ex one (clear blue) so use use the cheap one first in case its negative so i wont waste money.
And then i went back to office and took. 😱
Just as i expected.
Ahjess was the first to noe lol! followed by my sis because i met my parents and her for dinner that night before gg home.
And when im back, this lame hub was playing game when i passed him the 2 kits in the packaging and he still ask me "what?" OMG SUPER WOLS. I had the 😑 face while waiting for his intelligence to come back and realised that i already tested.
took him 5 to 10 mins to digest and be happy. and then he started talking to tui non stop on how he gonna be a dad and tui be a uncle 🤦 lol!
Okay first part done. Damn hard to keep this a secret for the next 4 weeks until my scan at week 8 (for heartbeat).
Stay tuned.
Hello, im back! After disappearing for a good 1.5 years from this space. Didnt had the courage to pen down toytoy's passing 2 years back. She left us 1 week before our wedding, peacefully at Marina Barrage at night, with our family. And shes really blessed to have all the korkor zehzeh yiyi and uncles to send her off on her last trip.
Fastforwarding my life, we moved in officially to Kuchi home in Nov 2017 and Tui is officially back home with us after our honeymoon from Korea.
And i also took up Animal communications in the same month (one of the best life skill i have decided to invest myself in 😂). Because thanks to AC, I get to fulfill toytoys last wishes and brought her to Marina barrage. And i kid you not,i heard her saying thank you to me that night before she left. Its a weird feeling, but you just know its her.
Will talk more about Animal comm in details/ a separate post next time.
For the whole of 2017, I had been focusing mainly on building Making Mermaids - my little humble online shop selling mermaid theme handmade accessories for pets, babies and adults!
Chionged a total of 15 events +/- in the years, seeing how my customer base grew and came back to support me. Made alot of new friends and all. Truly blessed!
As for Tui, he had lots of adventures last year too! I havent been socialising him with other dogs for a long time as i always feel that he has dog aggression and will growl everytime a dog comes near. Until we were invited to Aiden's birthday party. It was Tui's first doggy party and i told him pls dun throw my face and be good ok.
The moment he met aiden, my jaw drop. he actually went over to sniff and wagged his tail OMG. plus aiden is a male dog leh!!! So from then onwards we had quite a few play dates venturing different parts of Singapore.. From Botanical garden to Seletar Aerospace, to bukit timah nature park etc.
Tui also has a girl friend who lived in the same block as us call bubu. shes probably the 2nd friend tui has and can get along well with ❤
Then came Ice and Joyjoy into our lives. I was longing for another shihtzu and i came across Ice adoption pic on fb. went to the drive and saw ice + joy. Joy resembles too much like toytoy and i jus couldnt take my eyes off her. Eventually on 19 april 17, Mummy adopted Joyjoy while Elise and I brought Ice out of the shelter and elise has been fostering her for the longest time. She stay over at my placr whenever her foster parents has to go overseas. And tui is incredibly patient with her. Im amazed.
Ice just went for her homestay 2 weeks ago and is pending to firm her adoption this week.
Wah sibeh long. for more detail snippets need to refer to Facebook post sia.
Ok actually this post is suppose to talk abt something else but well i guess i need to update on what happen in the last 1.5 yrs so can read back next time.
Next post soon!
